The Great Body Caper
by meekobb
Summary: Things gets shaken up between the team, driving Atlantis crazy. mostly unbeta'd, apologize for errors
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Slashing the local, overgrown shrubs, Ronon Dex led the group through their latest planetary exploration. Grunting his aggravation, he forged ahead, occasionally glancing back to make certain that his friends remain close by. He could hear the bleating voice of Rodney McKay complaining about oils from the leaves of the vegetation and how sensitive his fair skin was to irritants.

"McKay! If you don't shut up, I'll let Ronon do it for you!" team leader John Sheppard retorted in frustration. The threat, overheard by the tall Satedan, caused Ronon to turn and eye Rodney appreciatively, fingering his stun gun's smooth surface.

Rodney tripped in his steps, eyes frozen on the gun in the hands of the former Runner. "You – you wouldn't dare," he stuttered as he turned to Teyla Emmagan, a beautiful Athosian warrior, for support. All he got was a sympathetic smile as she turned to follow John before she was too was on the receiving end of his wrath.

Rodney pouted, but he continued to follow his team quietly. Time to time, until they reached their destination, the team would hear an occasional smack of skin whenever Rodney felt he was being eaten alive by the planet's equivalent of Earth's mosquitoes.

"How you holding up there Rodney?" John said, a little out of breath, as they climbed yet another embankment of wet soil and slippery rocks.

"Oh just peachy! Never better! Remind me the next time we return to this planet, to bring a super-sized bottle of Deet!" Rodney exclaimed.

Looking back at the chronic complainer, Ronon spoke up, "What's that?"

"Deet?" John answered before Rodney got the chance. "It's an earth chemical. Designed to repel insects."

"Do you people have something to repel annoying scientists?" Ronon grunted as he turned back to climb over a fallen tree trunk.

Once again pausing in his tracks, Rodney let out a hearty fake laugh. "Oh ha ha! Very funny, joke's over now, let's just get this mission done with so we can get back to Atlantis."

"We need to find survivors and attempt to relocate them to a safer world," Teyla patiently reminded Rodney. "This has been one of the larger cullings this world has seen in its history."

Rodney stopped in his steps and sighed, knowing that in the end, they were all there to help the innocents. He pulled out his locator device and studied the readouts. "I am still not showing any life signs other than our own."

With a knowing smile, Teyla responded, "There are many areas of this planet that is shielded from technology. The Nerians usually retreat to the caves high in the mountain. The chances of our devices penetrating the heavy stones that comprise the land are very slim."

John stopped and called out to Ronon, "Hold up! We need a break." He dumped his bag to the ground and settled on a soft patch of earth. Pulling out a snack bar, he looked up at Rodney, "Can't you figure some way to cut through whatever interference is blocking us from detecting them?"

Rodney, who had been fidgeting with the Ancient technology, looked up and around at his teammates who stared at him expectantly. "Oh right, everyone comes to me to do the impossible! What on God's green Earth makes you think I can fix this with this one device? Hm? Tell me!"

Rolling her eyes in irritation, Teyla walked over to Ronon and sat beside him on a large, moss-covered log. They exchanged a knowing look but remained silent. John simply smirked and continued to munch on his energy bar as he looked from one team member to the next.

"Well this is odd," Rodney muttered to himself as he scratched his head in confusion.

"What's odd?" John questioned as he pushed his lean frame up off of the soil, brushing off the bottom of his damp pants. He walked over to where his friend sat and peered over his shoulder.

Frowning, Rodney muttered, "I'm getting some weird energy readings. They're coming from that way." He pointed east of the original route.

"That's taking us out of the way. We need to find survivors first, then we can go looking for new toys for you to play with," Sheppard said with a smile.

"Oh right. How do you plan on doing that? For all we know, these energy readings are what is interfering with our sensors. We find the source and turn it off, it'll make it easier to locate life signs," Rodney argued.

John stood with his hands on his hips glaring at the Canadian. Not sure of what to do quite yet, he thought about the options as he glanced back at the rest of the team.

"Dr. McKay does make a valid a point Colonel," Teyla said, her voice as soothing as ever. John's expression softened; Teyla always seemed to calm him in a way no one else could. Not wanting to lose much time he considered the situation.

"All right, fine. We'll split up. Ronon, go with McKay, Teyla you're with me. The Nerians are more comfortable in your presence," John said as he went to pick up his bag. "Check in with me every hour, got that?"

Ronon saluted Sheppard with the barrel of his stunner as he turned to wait for the somewhat pudgy scientist. Rodney, who was distracted by counting and inputting formulas into his tablet, muttered something of an acknowledgment as he sightlessly followed his teammate.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

An hour later, Ronon and Dr. McKay arrived at the mouth of a very deep cave. Activating the radio attached to his ear, he checked in with Colonel Sheppard.

"Sheppard, we're at a cave," Ronon reported dutifully, inspecting the dark cavern in front of them.

"A cave? That thing's like a gateway to hell!"

Eyeing McKay, Ronon hesitated and added, "A deep cave. McKay's afraid of it."

"I'm not afraid of it." But as he spoke, he eyed the black opening with apprehension. McKay didn't like getting dirty, that much he had made obvious, and clomping around a cave was nothing but dirty work.

_"__That's why you have Ronon. He's there to cover your …," _Sheppard responded, before being cut off by the erratic Canadian.

"Yea, yea I know the routine," came the doctor's response as he disconnected the radio signal.

Rodney turned back to find Ronon squatting in front of the entrance, peering into the darkness. "Do you see something or are we going to go already?" he asked anxiously.

"I don't see anything, but I got a bad feeling," Ronon grunted as he stood to face McKay.

Rodney eyed the man, "It's probably something you ate. You shouldn't eat mysterious meats of unidentifable animals on other worlds." He snaked his way past Ronon and raised a light to see their way into the cave.

"You eat the same food those people in Atlantis serve us. Is that not any less mysterious?" Ronon questioned as he followed.

Rodney stopped momentarily and rolled his head in brief agreement. "That is true. The energy readings are getting stronger."

Approximately 100 meters into the blackness of the cavern, the duo approached what appeared to be some sort of lab with many alien devices. Rodney ran his own Lantean technology over the largest machine in the middle of the opening that which was dimly lit by the lights of dormant machines covered in layers of dirt and dust.

"Huh – well this is interesting," Rodney said to himself as he read the data output.

"What?" On guard, Ronon looked around the room warily. He had been with the Atlantis team long enough, hopping planets enough, to know Rodney's use of 'interesting' had a tendency to mean something more along the lines of 'Oh shit, look out!'

McKay looked up, excited. "This technology is Lantean!" He proceeded to kneel and opened up a panel and found the location of a slot compatible with interfacing his tablet and began studying the technology.

Growing restless and bored, Ronon's voice boomed in the small cavern. "How much longer are you going to take?"

Irritation flowed over McKay's face. "I don't know what this machine does or what it's capable of. I can't just go shutting things down without knowing what it does."

"Why not? You blew up a solar system playing with unknown machines," Ronon countered as he sat on the dirt floor.

Rodney looked up at the grunt, "I'm not justifying that with an answer."

Over the next twenty minutes, Rodney continued his tinkering with the machine. Occasionally, Ronon could hear a quiet rambling of equations and theories coming from his friend and raised an eyebrow in amusement.

Brows scrunched in concentration, McKay continued to have his playtime and entered a few commands into his tablet. Unexpectedly, the ancient device began powering up, increasing its energy levels.

"Uh oh!" Rodney exclaimed, causing Ronon to jump to his feet.

"What – did you do now?" he rushed over to see what the scientist was doing.

With a hesitant laugh, "Umm, I think I activated the thing." Rodney quickly returned to his readouts.

"That's obvious! Do you even know what it does? Because it doesn't sound good. It sounds like my gun when its overloading," Ronon stared the smaller man down.

Avoiding looking at Ronon, Rodney tried to think up of an excuse but failed. "No, I don't know. I'll figure it out."

"You'd better! I'm going to go check in with Sheppard," Ronon said as he started for the exit.

The mysterious device began to make louder, whirling noises as the Satedan started to leave. Before Ronon was out of the cavern, and out of eye shot of the device, a bright flash filled the two explorers' senses following by total darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Meanwhile, after disconnecting from the conversation with Dr. McKay, Colonel Sheppard and Teyla were still nowhere near their destination.

Starting to get aggravated, John nearly ran into Teyla when she stopped in her tracks abruptly. He didn't say anything and he didn't need to. He waited for her to speak up, however her body spoke volumes. Teyla's eyes darted in one direction, and she tilted her head, giving way for her ears to listen for what her eyes aren't seeing.

Whispering, she called to John, "That way." Following Teyla, the colonel drew his gun in preparation for possible dangers.

Nearing a small clearing, the two took cover behind a fallen tree while they surveyed the scene. John noticed a worn path on the opposite side behind several tents. However, it was the display within the clearing that troubled him.

Overturned tables and cooking pots, belongings and bodies were strewn around. Several tents had burns or large cuts in the sides, a few had a combination of both.

John looked over at Teyla and saw the fear and sadness flow over her face. Concerned, he continued to watch over her. She eventually suppressed her emotions and she once again became intent, her angled features sharpening in determination.

Slowly, she nodded as she spoke up softly. "I think we are safe to proceed, however we must do so carefully."

With his weapon drawn, John nodded as he led them through the camp. He frowned at the sight of the recent bloodshed, a cold chill ran down his spine. Quietly, he proceeded to the path they found. All the while, Teyla's senses seemed to be in hyper drive.

Eventually the pair arrived at another cave. Looking around, John approached the mouth and peered inside. "I can't see anything, it's too dark."

"They are in there; I am sure of it," Teyla insisted with agitation.

John looked at her and nodded, "Let's go then." He pulled out a wrist lamp and kept his sidearm gripped firmly as he led the way.

Soon the twosome began to see what looked like candlelight dancing on the cavern walls. Teyla lowered her own sidearm as they approached the opening to a large room within the rock, to find a small group of terrified natives within.

"It's okay, we are friends," she said softly as she pivoted to introduce the Colonel. "This is Colonel Sheppard. We are here to take the rest of your people to a safer world."

John had also lowered his weapon and offered a smile and nod to the fearful group. "How many people do you still have? Are there any more caves like this?"

An adult Nerian male slowly elbowed his way to the front of the group, "My name is Talys. We are all that is left; seventeen total."

Frowning at the number, Teyla looked up at John with sorrow filling her eyes. He nodded mutely, before turning to speak to the group. "We have a ship hidden a few miles from here, on the other side of your village. We need to get your people there soon so we can take you to safety before any more Wraith show up." While that was doubtful, seeing as Wraith had a tendency to eat and leave, John didn't like to take chances, and the last thing he was going to do was leave the people in the ruins of their decimated homes.

"We understand," Talys bowed respectfully, relief expressed in the relaxation of his shoulders.

Not wanting to stay long, John instructed the group to take only what was essential and they were capable of carrying. Soon they led what was left of the Nerians back through the woods, both Sheppard's and Teyla's awareness of their surroundings greatly heightened.

As they approached the clearing where the village had been, once proud and flourishing, they slowed for a short break. Teyla, concerned about the scene, asked the adults to cover the children's eyes and guide them through, as it was not a sight they should grow up remembering.

Nearby, John stood looking at the path ahead of them, briefly glancing up at the sky, watching and waiting. He didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling that something was going to happen.

Pressing the radio in his ear, Sheppard attempted to contact the rest of his team for updates, "Ronon? McKay?" They didn't answer and he waited, impatiently, in case it was just taking a few seconds. But when seconds turned into minutes, time slid by in silence, he called out to them again, becoming increasingly frustrated and concerned.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Teyla came up to John's side and waited for a moment. "Perhaps they are still in the cavern they found. It is possible they do not have reception."

Sheppard looked at his friend and nodded, "It's possible. Let's get these people to the Jumper then I'll go track them down."

"I am sure Ronon and Dr. McKay are fine." Teyla offered a comforting smile and a reassuring touch on his arm.

"All right, let's move," John spoke up loud enough for the group, as he looked them over before turning back to the trail.

Pushing themselves as quickly as they could, the group arrived back at the team's Jumper. Ushering the Nerians inside, Sheppard went to the cockpit and activated the DHD to send an audio transmission back to Atlantis. Soon Dr. Elizabeth Weir's voice was heard, "What is going on Colonel?"

John filled her in on the details, explaining how Rodney picked up energy readings on the Lantean tech and splitting to investigate the source and locate survivors.

"Can you send in Lorne's team to escort the Nerians back to Atlantis so that Teyla and I can go find McKay and Ronon?" Sheppard requested.

There was a brief silence before Weir replied, "Yes, Lorne and his people are suiting up now and will be on their way. Be safe."

"Always," Sheppard quipped as the conversation ended. He turned back to Teyla and motioned for her to follow him back outside.

When they were out of ear shot of the Nerians, he continued. "I want you to stay here with them until Lorne gets here. I'm going to go ahead and look for them."

"Colonel, would it not be best if we continue together? We can activate the cloak ..." Teyla didn't get a chance to finish her thought as she was interrupted.

"No. They know you, they trust you. I need you here with them until more help comes. Ask Lorne for one of those detectors when they get here then come," John explained.

Teyla nodded silently and turned back to the Jumper. John watched her for a moment as she knelt down to try to comfort one of the children. Knowing he had another mission now to complete, he turned on his heels and hurried off in the direction that his friends went.

Pacing by the doors of the ship, Teyla was restless. Within twenty minutes she saw the gate nearby activate and another Jumper fly through. She let out a sigh of relief as she waited for the other team to make their way to her.

"Please take the Nerians back to Atlantis then come back for us. I will go to try to find the rest of the team," Teyla rushed up to Major Lorne.

The major nodded and started shouting orders to the rest of his group while Teyla hurried back down the earlier paths.

Nearly thirty minutes later of continuous moving, Teyla found Sheppard near the cavern McKay and Ronon found previously.

Hearing footsteps behind him, John quickly drew his weapon out and aimed at Teyla, not expecting her so soon. "Geez, don't creep up on a guy like that!" He lowered his gun with a small smile and returned his attention to the cave.

"I apologize," Teyla voiced in her soft manner.

John only nodded as he stared into the cave. "Are all the caves on this planet this dark?"

Teyla answered as she turned on the light from her weapon as she proceeded into the dark. "I believe so, however my time on this planet was rarely spent inside the caves. The Athosian trading needs were met by the villagers so there was no need to venture for further exploration."

"I see," John said as he looked around darkness of the cave. "Can you do me a favor Teyla?"

A smile emerging on her face, "That would depend on the favor Colonel."

Sheppard turned his light towards Teyla, "Remind me to never let McKay go off like this again."

The Athosian only raised her brow in response as she continued further into the cavern. Rounding a bend, she began seeing a soft luminescence on the rock walls. Just outside the stretch of the gleam, Teyla and John found Ronon, lying prone on the dirt floor.

Sheppard hurried past Teyla as he bent to check for a pulse on his tall friend and let out a sigh of relief. "He's alive."

Teyla had just stepped into the lab further and looked around for Dr. McKay, finding him also lying on the ground behind a large consol standing freely in the middle of the room. Checking on Rodney, she informed the colonel, that he too, was alive.

John had been kneeling by Ronon, his eyes roaming over every inch of the lab that he could take in from his location. Slowly standing he made his way over by Teyla and picked up the computer tablet Rodney had been working with.

Teyla walked a few steps around the room, eyeing the equipment warily. Something about the place made her feel uneasy.

John laid his gun on top of the machine and bent to try to shake McKay awake. Instead of receiving a response from him, the machine that Rodney had been studying started charging its power again, as it had earlier. Sheppard's head snapped up, eyes wide in fear.

"Let's get out of here," Sheppard ordered Teyla as he bent over to lift Rodney over his shoulders he started to make his way to the exit. Teyla started to rush over to pull Ronon out of the cave when the light flashed again, resulting in darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Back at the Jumper, Major Lorne stood outside his Jumper's platform peering at the thick tree line of the forest. He had just sent off the last group of Nerians to Atlantis and was waiting for his own team to regroup. Once they were done with their final assignments, the men stood facing their team leader awaiting further instructions.

Still staring at the heavily forested region before him, Lorne spoke up. "We're cloaking the ship and going to retrace the Colonel's previous route. Teyla informed me that Dr. McKay and Ronon had veered off the path to the east to investigate anomalous energy readings so we will do the same."

Evan Lorne received nods of acknowledgement as the group began to tread the muddy trails. Over an hour and half later, the Major's team found the cave that emitted the same strange energy signatures that led the previous group there.

Sgt. Stackhouse, one of the men accompanying Major Lorne on the current assignment, knelt down in front of the cave and looked in. "It's pitch black in there, sir." He informed, then by chance glanced down to the ground. He noticed something shining slightly from the little bit of daylight that filtered into the darkness. Turning on the lamp of his P90, he turned it onto the object. Recognition flashed over his face as he looked up into the darkness again and turned back to his superior.

"Sir, they are in there. There is a Power Bar wrapper on the ground near the edge of the darkness. Must be Dr. McKay's," he reported with a smirk.

Lorne listened and followed his comrade's gaze. Lifting his own light to the area in question, he too saw the same candy wrapper and nodded his agreement.

"Okay everyone! This is what we are going to do," the major started, as he made sure everyone's attention was on him. "Lights on, weapons up. Don't fire without my order. If Colonel Sheppard's team is still in there, primary objective is to pull them out to safety. We don't know what is in there, nor why they have not been responding to communications. I want Williams and Davis on watch out here." Looking around, Lorne made eye contact with each of his men and nodded in satisfaction that they understood the plan.

"Let's move!" The Major raised his lit up P90 and led the way into the blackness within the cavern.

Rounding a corner, the group found the unconcious bodies of Sheppard's team, as well as the unknown Lantean technology. "Grab them and move out," Lorne instructed as he peered his eyes at the machinary in the center of the cavern. They managed to escape to the entrance without the device activating again.

Taking turns carrying the unconcious forms back to the last Jumper, the group returned to Atlantis. Dr. Beckett and his medical teams were on stand by in the bay and promptly performed his preliminary assessments on his friends. "Alright lads," Carson spoke to his techs, "let's move 'em to the infirmary and get some blood draws started." He patted the shoulder of one of his staff and sent them on their way.

* * *

Elizabeth walked into the infirmary the next morning, intending to get an update on the still unconcious Atlantis team. After Carson had ushered them out of the Jumper bay the previous afternoon, he had been up all night attempting to find out what was wrong, why he was unsuccessful in arousing his friends.

Dr. Weir found the good doctor almost in a daze as he stared at a computer displaying the test results performed, utterly at a loss. "How are they doing?"

"As far as I can tell, they appear to be sleeping," he voiced. Shaking his head, he run a hand through his dark hair. "I just don't get it. Major Lorne said that they found them all unconcious, with no physical signs of trauma."

"The report said that they were in a cavern with lots of machines and technology. It seems from the colonel's radio report yesterday, that may have been the energy source that Rodney went to investigate."

"Well that explains a lot! Rodney shouldn't be foolin' with devices that he has no right to meddle with!" Carson, obviously frustrated, threw his hands up in irritation.

Elizabeth moved over to John's bed and looked over him as Dr. Beckett stood silent nearby. Quietly, she brush his unruly hair aside from his face and smiled slightly. She turned back to Carson and let out a deep sigh.

At that moment, Ronon began to stir, slowly awakening. Dr. Beckett was at the bedside almost immediately, turning from one monitor to another and back to his patient. When his eyes fluttered open, Ronon's eyes peered into Carson's smiling face that hovered above.

"What the -? Wha- Where am I?" Ronon's voice was heard.

"The infirmary lad, just lie back and relax while I look you over," Carson gently pushed down on Ronon's shoulders.

"Huh? The infirmary? That must be a mistake! Last thing I remember..." Ronon's eyes looked off, past Carson at nothing in particular. "Oh my god! Whatis wrong with my voice!!"

Confused, Elizabeth stepped closer from where she was observing. She hadn't wanted to get in the way of the doctor's work but she was now curious to Ronon's odd behaviour. He was never this - voiceful. "Ronon, what do you mean?"

"Ronon?! No! No no no no, this can't be. This can't be right! Quick, someone get me a mirror!" Ronon's voice began to fill with agitation. Elizabeth and Carson, now thoroughly confused looked at each other with worry and fear. This type of behaviour was certainly out of character for the Satedan – but not for one pudgy scientist.

Carson stepped up and gingerly place his hand onto Ronon's shoulder in comfort. "Ronon?" When he didn't get a response, as his patient was trying desperately to throw his covers off his body, Elizabeth attempted what they were fearing, "Rodney?"

Ronon's face turned and stared into Elizabeth's bright eyes in fear, "Elizabeth? What happened to me?"


End file.
